The internet of bugs things

Posted On: Monday - December 31st 2018 7:29PM MST
In Topics: 
  Internets  Curmudgeonry  Artificial Stupidity  iEspionage

Modern $200 a pop car key. What CAN'T it do?!

I'm hoping: everything else but start the damn car.

One of big ideas in Artificial Stupidity (modern electronics, that is) has been "the internet of things" for some time now. Everything, your car, your appliances, and then the little stuff (kitchen sink? belt buckles, I don't know) should all be on the internet. That's the plan. What for? I'll , well, they'll tell you: You may need to know that your toast is done when you're not in the kitchen. Maybe you want to tell it to start toasting about 2 minutes early to save you precious time in the day to look at your phone more. You can figure out some great reason for all the pieces of modern life, as to why they need to be on-line.

Hmmmm, but what happens to the information besides just going to your app to make your life "easier"? Maybe the toaster manufacturer in Shenzhen, China would like to keep up with part breakages, you know, with their great Quality Control and all. They need to know when you'll be heading to the store to buy a new one, so they can increase production accordingly. However, that may take a day or a week, so they may want to ask one of your other things that are on the internet. Maybe they can ask your car to tell them when it is headed to Wal-Mart to buy another piece of shit toaster. If you walk to Wal-Mart, then how's the car gonna tell them? Other than your phone, which may have run out of power, why not ask all your other things where they are?

I thought about this while looking a one of the modern expensive electronic car keys this morning. No, it probably isn't for now, but when will it be made to be on-line and tell someone something about you? I mean, you have to pay a few hundred bucks for a new key, rather than the $4 for a copy from the hardware store for your old Toyota. It ought to damn well do something cool, the manufacturer is very liable to figure, say next year.

Right now, though, I'm really happy with my stuff just laying there doing JACK SQUAT until the next time I pick it up ... uhh, if I can find it at all ... clap, clap.

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