On robberies gone horribly right

Posted On: Tuesday - August 21st 2018 8:50PM MST
In Topics: 
  Humor  Liberty/Libertarianism

The title of the last post here, Social DIstortion - just a stage dive gone horribly wrong? may or may not ring a bell for those of us who've otten heard this phrasing in relation to various crimes. The "gone horribly wrong" part is the Lyin' Press's way of trying to explain to us that, no this criminal wasn't a bad guy really. He just intended to commit robbery.... you know, ransack your place and take some of your most valuable, possbily sentimental belongings. He in no way planned for the crime to involve rape or murder or anything. Things just went wrong ... horribly wrong. It didn't have to be like this ....

Peak Stupidity should really have a topic key just called "guns", but we hesitate about adding them willy-nilly, as then we've to to re-categorize a bit. We have featured one article specifically about defensive shooting by a Washington State man in Hey man, nice shot!. That story was more about a guy that stopped a rampage, but armed defense of the home happens every day. Just once we'd like to hear it straight from the Lyin Press, with this same phrasing, about, say, a burglary gone right!

Here's part of our imagined transcript of the 911 call:


"Hello, 9-1-1, marko numero uno por Engleeesh ....
... how may we better serve you today?"

"Uhhh, yeah, I just want to report a burglary and ..."

"SIr, don't panic! Breath normally. Are you Mr. XXXX at YYY Elm St?"

"Hey, HTF did you know that?! Anyway, two guys came in through the kitchen window and I got out my Sig ..."

"Sir, breath normally. We'll have an officer out there in the next 5 ... 10 minutes... 15 tops. Shelter in place. Do you have any large pieces of furniture to hide in ..."

"Hey, what? They busted up the big cabinet looking for stuff. That's when I heard them and got my pistol and 2 extra loaded magazines."

"DO! NOT! TRY! TO! HANDLE! THIS! SIR! These burglaries can sometimes go horribly wrong. You need police officers for protection. GIve me that addresss one more time, for verification purposes. The officers will be there soon. Are you hurt? Do you need an ambulance?"

"Uhh, yeah, I guess, but they're not moving. I guess it wouldn't hurt any to send out an ambulance, but uhhh, I'm not payin' for it!"


See, now that's a burglary gone horrible right.

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