Dances with wolves? ... sounds like that wasn't the half of it!

Posted On: Tuesday - June 19th 2018 12:35PM MST
In Topics: 
  Music  The Dead  Humor  History  Race/Genetics

Yes, it gets lonely out there on the prairie. WE GET THAT!

A commenter has pointed me to an article from the British Lyin' Press tabloid Daily Mail with the long title "Canadian company offering $250 DNA heredity tests is accused of scamming customers after a man submitted a sample from his DOG and was told it was a descendant of Native Americans", making it pretty much too good to pass up. Now, the commenter under an iSteve post on unz was more interested in the HBD, (meaning Human Bio - Diversity) aspect, involving reliability of DNA testing. We at Peak Stupidity, are more interested in the humorous aspects of this silly-in-all-respects story.

It seems that "it's good to be Injun" these days, and the folks paying for DNA testing from one Viaguard Accu-Metrics were doing so to try to prove ancestry from the Indians, ooops, Native Canadians, ooops, Spirits Communities. There were many people suckered in by the testing company, but in a way it serves them right, as the ability to scam the rest of the remaining Canadians, through the heavy hand of government was their purpose in becoming officially, fuck it, INDIANS. Now, the one guy on the picture, he doesn't look Indian to me. I'm no Donald Trump (check out youtube on that one - look for "Trump", "Indian casino", "hearings"), nor a Banker, Lawyer, nor Indian Chief, but c'mon, that's a ball cap with not a feather in sight.

OK, I jest, and, not that I feel bad about that, but I will give the Indians credit, like lots of Americans do. They just got a bad deal over the last 200 - 300 years. Of all the "disadvantaged" groups we seem to have complaining, these guys just weren't gonna come out well with the clash of civilizations between people who believe in property/rights, and savages. Yeah, I can use that word, and it's not the complete insult that people take it for. They lived off the land, didn't make improvements to life in general (with good use though of the white man's improvements - guns and horses - when they got 'em), and lived without a host of rules and regulations that can define civilization.

Hey, it's not all bad, and that's why the idea of the "noble savage" gets people wistful about the Red Man's ways. They wouldn't stay wistful for long if left in that lifestyle for long with no way back - "Naked and Afraid", baby. Sure, the simple life, and simple social rules much more in tune with Mother Nature can feel great, but just wait until a week or two with hunger pains and no food in sight, or a blizzard with crude shelter and heat. It'd make most human beings long to improve the world a bit, I can tell you that. We're way off the subject here, but I'll end this rant about Indians by just saying that their current woes are mostly US Feral Gov. induced, just as they were on the other end 150 years back. The broken treaties and lies by Fed-Gov screwed them over then, and now to pay the Indians back, the other Americans are getting screwed - just think of the fishing rights, in which Indians can put nets across whole streams, while the white man gets fined for keeping a fish 1" too short. It's more of that Anarcho-Tyranny that governments are so, so good at. The Indians, with the easy casino money and different rules, suffer from a serious lack of self-respect and work-incentive, and these new woes aren't much better than the old woes.

Whew, what happened to the post, here? Oh, yeah, well, the DNA testing must have been pretty bogus, but do we know that for sure? They say that all mammals (just as an example) have lots more genes in common than ones that differ. After living on the land with all the creatures of the wild, maybe these Canadians trying to find their roots are getting data that they'd just rather not know. Maybe we all don't need to know that.

I can see the Tribal hearing now (or "tribunal" if you will, I guess that's where the word comes from(?)):

"Mr. With-wolves, you say that your Mama was a squaw from the Dakota territory. Yet, the DNA says otherwise. is there something you are not telling us?"

Defendant sits cross-legged in silence.

"Remember, Mr. With-wolves, you are UNDER OATH, to the Great Spirit of Winter!"

From the live album Ded Dead Reckoning, here is Jerry singing about the Dire Wolf:

In the timbers to fennario, the wolves are running round,
The winter was so hard and cold, froze ten feet neath the ground.
Don't murder me, I beg of you, don't murder me. Please, don't murder me.

I sat down to my supper, twas a bottle of red whisky,
I said my prayers and went to bed, that's the last they saw of me.
Don't murder me, I beg of you, don't murder me. Please, don't murder me.

When I awoke, the dire wolf, six hundred pounds of sin,
Was grinning at my window, all I said was come on in.
Don't murder me, I beg of you, don't murder me. Please, don't murder me.

The wolf came in, I got my cards, we sat down for a game.
I cut my deck to the queen of spades, but the cards were all the same.
Don't murder me, I beg of you, don't murder me. Please, don't murder me.

In the backwash of fennario, the black and bloody mire,
The dire wolf collects his dues, while the boys sing round the fire.
Don't murder me, I beg of you, don't murder me. Please, don't murder me.
No, no, no don't murder me. I beg of you,
Don't murder me. Please, don't murder me."

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