Can't I hear some real Christmas music and not about Santa's Clauses infidelities?

Posted On: Saturday - December 16th 2017 8:21PM MST
In Topics: 
  Music  Curmudgeonry

I'm just sayin'. The "war on Christmas" is a real phenomenon and has been going on as long as I've been alive and aware. Why the quotes? Quotes around words of phrases can mean all sorts of things nowadays, but this set was not meant in a snarky way. It's just that it's not a real war of course, like a war on an emotion (the "Global War on Terra!"), a war against the natural state of some people according to Jesus (the "War on Poverty") or war on a number of types of ingestable substances (the "War on Drugs") - Note all of those quotes, people!

Yeah, the real religious songs have not been played in your average store or on your average radio station (yep, I just checked and they still got those) in 3 decades at least. There are no Christmas trees, just Holiday trees, and people have been saying "Happy Holidays" for longer than I can remember. You can real all about this every year on VDare or at any conservative site on the web. That's not my point, though I will say that there are people that do want to bury Christianity pretty badly. They are the ones that will tell you that you're paranoid for complaining about all this war on Christmas stuff. Lastly, on this digression, the habitual reader may notice that the Peak Stupidity blog does have a thing for Ann Coulter. Maybe this started when she wrote long ago (can't find it right now) about the war on Christmas that saying "Merry Christmas" to a New Yorker is like saying "fuck you!". Ha!

On a ride from the airport last week, the driver had on "Christmas music" - there's those quotes again! - which still beat hell out of soap-operatic football commentary or
cough, projectile-vomiting ... I'm OK, National Public Radio. It was really a soul music station, speaking of which, that beats hell out of hip-hop-crap anyway. The Christmas music was nothing but soul music with the words "Christmas", "winter", and "snow" somewhere embedded in each song, not in keeping with the real spirit of the season in my mind.

It's the store music I heard today though, that started to really make me wonder if the modern songs that substitute for Christmas music aren't just as bad as all the rest of the crap that has 12 year-olds fortuitously listening to Zeppelin's "Whole Lotta' Love". I mean, this one about "I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus". That's been sung by lots of different musical artists trying to make a quick easy buck, but I just really thought about it today. Is is really just about kissing, or more like when Steve Miller sings "keep on rockin' me", but really means "keep on fuckin me", and finally says so, albeit kinda quickly, later in the song? What kind of "present" had Santa cum come down the chimney to "present" to Mommy. The song doesn't mention what Mommy was wearing, either. Look, I understand, Mrs. Clause is no spring chicken, and there are lots of temptations up there on the air reindeer ways. In fact, that whole Rudolf thing, speaking of Christmas music, is probably just a cover for some kind of harassment scandal involving Santa, reindeer, and elves, the whole lot of them.

Anyway, I don't like that song one bit. Besides the silliness and lack of any connection to the point of Christmas, the connotations about Santa do irk me. It's not like my upcoming "Christmas song" will likely climb the Billboard charts (do they still have those?) as it should, even with a more realistic theme of Christmas home defense. ♫ "I saw Life-Flight evacuating Santa Clause ... extracting buck-shot from last night ..." ♫

Of course, I can go to youtube and listen to "The 1st Noel", "We 3 Kings...", and "Hark the Herald Angels Sing". How can you NOT like that stuff? I'll put some on during actual Christmas, not the "shopping season". Lest the reader think Peak Stupidity is more curmudgeonly than Charlie Brown even, here we have Elton John, who can do up a not-in-the-spirit Christmas song better than anyone. I never got sick of "Step into Christmas" from way back, 1973:

Bernie Taupin, who didn't play with the band, wrote most of the great lyrics to Elton songs, with Elton writing the music. In this song, Bernie appears playing bells (2:05), which is cool. It looks like Elton's usual great band:

Elton John - Vocals, piano
Davey Johnston - Guitar
Dee Murray - Bass
Nigel Olson - Drums

Sunday - December 17th 2017 9:11AM MST
PS: Ahaaa! That makes makes a whole lotta sense, Mr. Discard! In the words of one of the better journalists I've heard from, Miss Emily Litella, NEVERMIND!

(hey, I didn't think it was really about true infidelity, but ... )

Speaking of that, "Step into Christmas" would be much better for me with a lot more fidelity than what comes out of these computer speakers.

Saturday - December 16th 2017 9:35PM MST
PS "I saw Mommy Kissing Santa Clause" is not about infidelity, but about a little boy who does not know that Santa is actually his daddy.
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