Sport Utility Drivers - GET OFF the ROAD ...

Posted On: Friday - September 8th 2017 6:52AM MST
In Topics: 
  Cars  Curmudgeonry

... I mean "GET OFF OF THE ROAD!", or at least, how about "OUT OF MY WAY - IT'S JUST A SMALL SPEEDBUMP, YA PUSSY!" Come on people, I've seen the commercials that got you to buy this land battleship. They show you tearin' ass up the desert hills, wheels treating the 6" rocks like it's pea gravel, making hard turns, spraying dust all over place, with your mountain bikes on top ready to take out and hit the trail act like you're in shape to try to pick up some treehugger chicks.

4-wheel drive, 9 inch ground clearance, 420 max Hp, 460 ft-lb torque at 4,000 rpm ...

yet, you slow down to 2 mph over a 4" high speedbump that my 2-door, 20 year-old Ford sedan handles at 15 mph. Git outta my way!

Really, you've spent the extra 5 - 10 large (OK, medium, nowadays) on that big drivetrain and lots more to have that 7,000 lb. massive machine in general, but it's never been off the road, and you are scared of the speedbumps? Are you the same people who would take your VW microbuses up Pike's Peak, follow The Dead around the country, selling beads and hallucinogens for gas money, living off the somebody's land, climbing up and jumping off 1000' tall radio antennas with one shot at a good chute opening?

Now, baby boomers, you've got the money, or what's left of it, to purchase the big toys, travel all over the land, now that the kids are gone. Yet you're staying on the road going slow as molasses. What happened to you people? Did you get old? Sure, but I thought your generation is different due to Centrum Silver or something.

Please, next time you wake up in the morning, take a few extra Centrum Silvers (or something a big stronger - if you've still got em in the freezer), so you can get outta the way of my 110 Hp beater.

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