Peak Bestiality at the FBI


Posted On: Wednesday - September 16th 2026 5:49PM MST
In Topics:   General Stupidity  Humor  US Police State  US Feral Government



Kash Patel Defends New FBI Hiring Policy On Bestiality. Does this level of stupidity even require further commentary?

I can't help it, so let me give it a go and then turn it over to a few of the best ZeroHedge commenters on the planet. I've got to clear this up: Director Patel's argument is not about FBI applicants who might have voluntarily committed bestiality prior to their interview for employment at, just, "The Bureau", the former home of the famed Elliot Ness who took on The Mob. These applicants have always been the Untouchables.

No, the proposed relaxation of hiring standards is only with regard to those applicants who had been FORCED into bestiality... "I don't recall if it was a Brown Bear or a Grizzly, but he got behind me and started whispering sweet nothings ..." and haven't yet learned to lie about it on job applications. The HR people must be still ultra-conservative and behind the times on the new trends. Some of the Moslem applicants are still forced to lie about the goats, which works, because the goats are not there to defend their honor, and, well, lying IS part of the job description of an FBI agent anyway, after all.

It's just... are there not more important issues to be brought before the US Congress? ZeroHedge commenters comment:
Agarn [he's a Premium ZH member]:
Kennedy said to Patel. โ€œWeโ€™re having a tough time attracting agents, good quality agents we all can trust....Why would you even get into bestiality?โ€ he asked.
Patel, "Don't knock it until you try it."

ObamaBidensucks:

I'm sure a lot of great current Fbi talent has f.ucked animals from A to Z, Crayfish, Zebra's you name it.

Muad'Dib69:

"Applicants who have engaged in bestiality means they were victims of bestiality because they were forced to do so."

So... there are documented cases of prospective F.B.I. candidates getting forcibly sodimized by farm animals? What state did this happen in?

LastMan1964:

People who were "forced" into bestiality as victims of human trafficking and later applied for the FBI must be an awfully small subset of the human race.

MontgomeryScott:

Ask your doctor if goat-sex is right for you.

Side effects might include Waco, Ruby Ridge, Nine-One-One, USSLiberty, and Quinn Martin Productions.

Col. Braddock:

how is this even a thing? Someone got paid to come up with this ****?

I can see them now all sitting around at the morning meeting thinking about things to work on and one guys says "Ya know we havn't updated the bestiality hiring policy in a while... its probably due for a revision." and his boss "you're right get right on that and report back in a week..." WTF?

Disband the FBI now...
Peak Bestiality or Peak Mandatory Bestiality - either way, we're very close to Peak Stupidity.


PS: All this time, I thought it was Beastiality, you know, as in beasts of the earth.

Comments:
Moderator
Thursday - September 17th 2026 10:51AM MST
PS: Mr. Patel does look extremely traumatized by it all, Mr. Smith. Thanks for the .jpg.

A๐‘  ๐พ๐‘Ž๐‘ โ„Ž ๐‘ƒ๐‘Ž๐‘ก๐‘’๐‘™ ๐‘๐‘Ÿ๐‘œ๐‘š๐‘œ๐‘ก๐‘’๐‘  ๐‘กโ„Ž๐‘’ ๐‘๐‘Ÿ๐‘Ž๐‘๐‘ก๐‘–๐‘๐‘’ ๐‘๐‘Ÿ๐‘–๐‘ก๐‘–๐‘๐‘  ๐‘ ๐‘ข๐‘”๐‘”๐‘’๐‘ ๐‘ก ๐‘กโ„Ž๐‘–๐‘  โ€ข๐ผ๐‘›๐‘‘๐‘–๐‘Ž๐‘› ๐‘›๐‘’๐‘๐‘œ๐‘ก๐‘–๐‘ ๐‘š ๐‘–๐‘  ๐‘”๐‘’๐‘ก๐‘ก๐‘–๐‘›๐‘” ๐‘œ๐‘ข๐‘ก ๐‘œ๐‘“ ๐‘๐‘œ๐‘›๐‘ก๐‘Ÿ๐‘œ๐‘™. Good point. Maybe too many โ€ขIndians have been wrongfully screened out due to these minor incidents in their pasts.
Adam Smith
Thursday - September 17th 2026 8:34AM MST
PS: Good morning, Gentlemen...

๐‘ƒ๐‘’๐‘Ž๐‘˜ ๐ต๐‘’๐‘ ๐‘ก๐‘–๐‘Ž๐‘™๐‘–๐‘ก๐‘ฆ ๐‘Ž๐‘ก ๐‘กโ„Ž๐‘’ ๐น๐ต๐ผ. (๐ด๐‘  ๐พ๐‘Ž๐‘ โ„Ž ๐‘ƒ๐‘Ž๐‘ก๐‘’๐‘™ ๐‘๐‘Ÿ๐‘œ๐‘š๐‘œ๐‘ก๐‘’๐‘  ๐‘กโ„Ž๐‘’ ๐‘๐‘Ÿ๐‘Ž๐‘๐‘ก๐‘–๐‘๐‘’ ๐‘๐‘Ÿ๐‘–๐‘ก๐‘–๐‘๐‘  ๐‘ ๐‘ข๐‘”๐‘”๐‘’๐‘ ๐‘ก ๐‘กโ„Ž๐‘–๐‘  โ€ข๐ผ๐‘›๐‘‘๐‘–๐‘Ž๐‘› ๐‘›๐‘’๐‘๐‘œ๐‘ก๐‘–๐‘ ๐‘š ๐‘–๐‘  ๐‘”๐‘’๐‘ก๐‘ก๐‘–๐‘›๐‘” ๐‘œ๐‘ข๐‘ก ๐‘œ๐‘“ ๐‘๐‘œ๐‘›๐‘ก๐‘Ÿ๐‘œ๐‘™.)

https://i.ibb.co/36b3MqH/victim-of-bestiality.jpg

Happy Thursday? โ˜ฎ๏ธ

The Alarmist
Thursday - September 17th 2026 6:52AM MST
PS

It could be that Kash Patels distinctive eyes are the result of a goat having its way with himโ€ฆ.
Moderator
Thursday - September 17th 2026 6:02AM MST
PS: Good point, Alarmist. Maybe some of these bestiality adherents can be put on the fast track to management.
The Alarmist
Thursday - September 17th 2026 5:17AM MST
PS

Funny, but I thought various perversions, bestiality being only one of many, are prerequisites for being accepted into the halls of power, so naturally you wouldnโ€™t want to exclude those who do the investigation of our Lords & Masters for merely joining in on the โ€œfun.โ€

โ˜ฏ๏ธ
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