Posted On: Wednesday - March 11th 2026 7:27PM MST
In Topics: Humor Movies Curmudgeonry Artificial Stupidity Big-Biz Stupidity Muh Generation Anti-Social Media
We're starting off all curmudgeon-like tonight, but we'll get to some humor too.
I just thought of this coinage, though the general problem is one I've been plagued with for many years. I shouldn't just pick FedEx over UPS, and earlier DHL and Airborne Express (remember those?), but they are the delivery company known for the overnight letters first. Those are the very filling bread & butter for these companies, like butter-covered sweet rolls at the $17.99 buffet. Ten's of thousands of letters can fly in just one of those quarter-round plexiglass and aluminum containers that go aboard the widebody aircraft that go through Memphis or Indianapolis (or Louisville or Rockford) each weekday night. It multiplies up fast!
Letter or package, we are blessed to be living in an area without porch pirates, Somalians, or Somalian porch pirates for that matter. However, occasionally we have things come to the house that require a signature for delivery. This has become very stressful. Nobody is home some of the time, but even if one of us is, we are apparently supposed to answer a knock on the door within 5 seconds. Wait longer than that, and the FedEx guy has sprinted all the way back to his truck! I hear the engine start up and see a slip taped to the door. I understand the pressure they are under, now that electronics keep track of how long employees take doing anything, but, can you give me, say, 30 seconds?
This must be very good for FedEx local delivery "metrics", but that's only because they don't measure how many times a guy's got to come to the same house with the same item because we can't move fast enough to beat him. They leave those aforementioned slips that tell us when someone might come back, and then after 2 or 3 attempts at ringing and running - didn't that used to be for kids? - we must go to the facility to get it.
Unlike the local Post Office, which is about a mile away, the FedEx facility is across town and traffic. Last time I had to go chase something down, it was before the last delivery attempt, but I needed the item. After I waited 10 minutes , the lady told me I couldn't get my stuff from the back because it was already "palletized" for shipment to my house!
Anyone seen the very original Dirty Harry movie*? You know that scene in which that weirdo runs Harry Callahan all around San Fransisco? It gets like that, except we all wear sneakers now and if some creep like that has me running to the nearest pay phone, well, I don't do Marathons.
Rats, I can't find that scene, but here's that guy. The ending has a lot of symmetry and closure. Yeah, that's some closure, Dirty Harry style.
So, the point is that FedEx and UPS are the original Door Dash companies. They dash to the door from the outside, and I dash to the door from the inside.
The actual "Sharing Economy" Door Dash company is not something I could write a curmudgeonly post about, because I've never used them. (Same with Uber Eats.) I believe it's more a thing for the younger generations. They like convenience, and they see real beauty in apps that give information out the ying-yang.
A colleague told me of his experience recently though. In a hotel away from home he ordered some Mexcian food via these guys. The advertisement image above shows someone we'd all expect to be prompt, courteous, and on the ball. I've not seen a guy like that drive an Uber or Lyft either, and I'm pretty darn sure, he was not the Dasher on the evening in question.
This colleague's food did not arrive for such a long time that he even called some phone number. That's not like young people! Who knows where these "customer care" people were, maybe in the same office building as Chuck E. Cheese? They tried to help. Yet, again, the apps give information out the ying-yang, so the position on the face of the Earth of this slack Door Dash contractor could be seen by all, probably to within 10 feet the whole time.
That location was ... wait for it... a Golden Corral buffet. LOL! Unlike in those old non-sharing economy businesses like FedEx, it's not like one must answer every request. If you take the gig**, then, I don't know, it's just me maybe, but you might plan it around your own dinnertime.
I get it, dude. You get hungry going into the establishments for the food and smelling it all the way through delivery. Still, what were you thinking? I chose to accept this mission because I need money, but then I also need to get my money's worth here at the Golden Coral. Maybe after a few more butter-covered sweet rolls, another serving of Mac & Cheese, and some blue jello, I'll get around to it. What, headquarters is texting me? I'm in the middle of watching OnlyFans videos.
You want your Mexican food, punk? I know what you're thinking, has he eaten 6 plates or only 5? Well, to tell you the truth, I forgot myself among all these apps and videos. You gotta text yourself, punk, do you feel lucky today? Well, do ya', punk?!
Oh, and the food never showed up.
PS: I can think of a splendid idea for this Door Dash contractor. If he could have
* That movie was first shown 55 years ago.
** The "Gig Economy" describes things more on the career (or lack thereof)/job level, but I guess that's a gig.
Comments:
Moderator
Thursday - March 12th 2026 8:09AM MST
PS: That's a funny story about your parts getting delivered about a year and a quarter late! That was dedication, delivering them on a holiday too. I too would have forgotten completely, probably even 6 months later.
DHL combined with Airborne Express maybe 20 years ago - I don't know who bought whom. It wasn't your match made in heaven, as their philosophies seemed about 180 degrees apart. DHL treated their stuff with great care, while Airborne Express threw stuff around with no regard to what was inside. Last I heard DHL was still delivering internations - sounds like your part - but I also have not seen one of their vans in a long time.
DHL combined with Airborne Express maybe 20 years ago - I don't know who bought whom. It wasn't your match made in heaven, as their philosophies seemed about 180 degrees apart. DHL treated their stuff with great care, while Airborne Express threw stuff around with no regard to what was inside. Last I heard DHL was still delivering internations - sounds like your part - but I also have not seen one of their vans in a long time.
Adam Smith
Wednesday - March 11th 2026 8:59PM MST
PS: Good evening, Mr. Moderator!
https://schnieder-original.com/
The last time I got a package from DHL was about 15 or 16 years ago. Back when I was fixing the red car (because it was crashed shortly before it came home to Georgia) I ordered some windshield trim pieces from Germany. (They are numbered 2 and 3 in the following diagram...)
https://realoem.com/bmw/enUS/showparts?id=HC13-USA-07-1990-E34-BMW-525i&diagId=51_0273
After I ordered them I went about fixing the car. Then, one day, when I was just about done I called Safelite to arrange for a new windshield. (The old one was cracked pretty good from the crash.) Sadly, my new trim pieces had not yet arrived.
So... Safelite Mike had a different solution. He had a rubber trim piece/gasket thingy he used instead. (Worked like a champ.) And so, I forgot about those trim pieces...
Until one evening. (It was the night before Thanksgiving.)
It was kinda late, certainly later than most deliveries arrive, when I heard a knock on the door. (I think it was like 9:30 maybe 10pm. And it was the eve of a holiday.)
It had been so long since I ordered those parts that I truly forgot about them. And apparently, it wasn't Schnieder's fault that they took so long. (They processed the order in a timely manner and all that.)
TL;DR... It took DHL 17 or 18 months to deliver my car parts. Fortunately, I was still parting out the parts car that I had and I had no problem reselling them. (They were impossible to get this side of the pond so they sold very quickly and for a bit more than I paid for them.)
I don't think I've seen a DHL truck since.
Maybe next time I'll tell the story about the one (and only) time a door dash arrived on my porch with Ashton's donut.(?)
From a couple posts back...
๐ผ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ข๐ก "๐๐๐ก๐๐", ๐๐ข๐ก ๐ผ ๐กโ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ข๐๐๐๐๐ก๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐กโ๐ "๐ก" ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐กโ๐๐ ๐๐๐ข๐กโ๐๐๐ ๐กโ๐๐๐, ๐๐ข๐ก ๐ ๐ ๐๐โ๐๐ ๐ก๐๐๐๐ก๐๐ ๐ ๐ก๐ฆ๐๐ ๐๐๐ข๐กโ๐๐๐ ๐กโ๐๐๐. ๐โ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐คโ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ข๐๐๐ ๐กโ๐๐ก "๐ก" ๐๐๐๐'๐ก ๐กโ๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐กโ๐๐ก ๐ ๐๐ฆ "๐โ๐๐๐ ๐ฆ๐๐ข ๐๐ก?"
Not sure about that, Achmed. When I was in fourth grade I remember the teacher telling all of us about the silent t in often one day during reading/spelling class. I swear just about the whole class must have been daydreaming that day because it seemed like I was the only kid who didn't pronounce t in often. It was like nobody else got the memo. And I often hear the word mispronounced in movies or on tv and radio by people who should know better. (Sigh.)
I do agree with you about ๐โ๐๐๐ ๐ฆ๐๐ข ๐๐ก (etc.) likely being a bit of ๐๐ฅ๐๐๐ค! vernacular polluting the language. (I hear an unfortunate amount of ๐โ๐๐๐ ๐ฆ๐๐ข ๐๐ก and such on the TV and in movies so I guess it's an American thang now.)
https://i.ibb.co/rfM52HMQ/I-don-t-think-we-can-reverse-the-damage-Chuck-E-Cheese-has-done-to-us-spiritually-and-psychological.jpg
Happy Wednesday! โฎ๏ธ
https://schnieder-original.com/
The last time I got a package from DHL was about 15 or 16 years ago. Back when I was fixing the red car (because it was crashed shortly before it came home to Georgia) I ordered some windshield trim pieces from Germany. (They are numbered 2 and 3 in the following diagram...)
https://realoem.com/bmw/enUS/showparts?id=HC13-USA-07-1990-E34-BMW-525i&diagId=51_0273
After I ordered them I went about fixing the car. Then, one day, when I was just about done I called Safelite to arrange for a new windshield. (The old one was cracked pretty good from the crash.) Sadly, my new trim pieces had not yet arrived.
So... Safelite Mike had a different solution. He had a rubber trim piece/gasket thingy he used instead. (Worked like a champ.) And so, I forgot about those trim pieces...
Until one evening. (It was the night before Thanksgiving.)
It was kinda late, certainly later than most deliveries arrive, when I heard a knock on the door. (I think it was like 9:30 maybe 10pm. And it was the eve of a holiday.)
It had been so long since I ordered those parts that I truly forgot about them. And apparently, it wasn't Schnieder's fault that they took so long. (They processed the order in a timely manner and all that.)
TL;DR... It took DHL 17 or 18 months to deliver my car parts. Fortunately, I was still parting out the parts car that I had and I had no problem reselling them. (They were impossible to get this side of the pond so they sold very quickly and for a bit more than I paid for them.)
I don't think I've seen a DHL truck since.
Maybe next time I'll tell the story about the one (and only) time a door dash arrived on my porch with Ashton's donut.(?)
From a couple posts back...
๐ผ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ข๐ก "๐๐๐ก๐๐", ๐๐ข๐ก ๐ผ ๐กโ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ข๐๐๐๐๐ก๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐กโ๐ "๐ก" ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐กโ๐๐ ๐๐๐ข๐กโ๐๐๐ ๐กโ๐๐๐, ๐๐ข๐ก ๐ ๐ ๐๐โ๐๐ ๐ก๐๐๐๐ก๐๐ ๐ ๐ก๐ฆ๐๐ ๐๐๐ข๐กโ๐๐๐ ๐กโ๐๐๐. ๐โ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐คโ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ข๐๐๐ ๐กโ๐๐ก "๐ก" ๐๐๐๐'๐ก ๐กโ๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐กโ๐๐ก ๐ ๐๐ฆ "๐โ๐๐๐ ๐ฆ๐๐ข ๐๐ก?"
Not sure about that, Achmed. When I was in fourth grade I remember the teacher telling all of us about the silent t in often one day during reading/spelling class. I swear just about the whole class must have been daydreaming that day because it seemed like I was the only kid who didn't pronounce t in often. It was like nobody else got the memo. And I often hear the word mispronounced in movies or on tv and radio by people who should know better. (Sigh.)
I do agree with you about ๐โ๐๐๐ ๐ฆ๐๐ข ๐๐ก (etc.) likely being a bit of ๐๐ฅ๐๐๐ค! vernacular polluting the language. (I hear an unfortunate amount of ๐โ๐๐๐ ๐ฆ๐๐ข ๐๐ก and such on the TV and in movies so I guess it's an American thang now.)
https://i.ibb.co/rfM52HMQ/I-don-t-think-we-can-reverse-the-damage-Chuck-E-Cheese-has-done-to-us-spiritually-and-psychological.jpg
Happy Wednesday! โฎ๏ธ
DHL would ship the very best of the Wenatchee (Washington)-grown cherries, all the way to Japan by air.
I didn't know there was this meme about Chuck E. Cheese. That was interesting. Much of it wouldn't be worrisome to me personally. I just didn't like that it took more trouble to arrange a party at the local place with the mousey bureaucrats in Texas than it would to deal with the US Government.