The Significant Others of the Founders

Posted On: Friday - July 28th 2023 8:57AM MST
In Topics: 
  Humor  Political Correctness  Female Stupidity  Morning Constitutional

The above picture, allegedly painted by one Barry Faulkner, shows the signers and signing of the US Constitution. Mr. Faulkner was commissioned by the National Archives in the mid-1930s to paint 2 HUGE- 37 1/2 ft long by 14 ft high! - murals of the signing of the Declaration of Independence and the signing of the US Constitution - for the US Capitol. (More about them here. I've not seen these. I have not planned to ever get to the FS again, but if I were to, I want to see these.)

One thing though, that you may notice in the painting above ... John Derbyshire did, and wrote Feminizing History: Classical Murals Of The Founders With Added Ladies the other day. I don't recall learning in school that there were SOF's - that'd be Significant Others of the Founders - there in Philadelphia that fine day in September of 1787. I suppose I could have forgotten...

Apparently, history revision is the way to go now, I mean, we got Photoshop, after all. Women SHOULD HAVE been there that day, if we'd been a society of diversity, equity, and inclusion, as we are now, so put 'em in. This is as sold at the National Archives store, per Mr. Derbyshire. Getting up to the 37 1/2 by 14 ft murals in the Capitol with, errr, Photoshop?, no, paint, airbrushes, and all that old-timey stuff, well up there on the scaffold, that there's man's work.

I had to modify this modified painting myself due to Peak Stupidity's usual 500 pixel width limit (and still make it reasonable to make out), so I'm missing 3 guys to the (viewer's) left of South Carolina's John Rutledge. That'd be Virginia's John Randolph, Massachusetts' Nathaniel Gorham, and Delaware's John Dickenson. To the right, we just cut off half of Delaware's George Read.*

Who are these Constitution Chicks? I'd say 3 of them are fairly attractive, with 2 being pretty young and busty. Well, Martha Washington seemed to have gained some social status that day. I guess that's John Rutledge's wife too on the left. The one in the gold dress is in between Connecticut's Oliver Elseworth and S. Carolina's Charles Pinkney. I don't know what her deal is, Founder Services? The hottie on the right in the purple halter top with bare midriff showing - wait, I zoomed in, just my imagination runnin' away with me - she's by herself for the photo op, with New York's Alexander Hamilton having his back to her.

I don't know, it might have been a good thing, having the women there. When you're hashing out the last little significant details of a Constitutional Republic, you can really work up an appetite by tea time. One might look forward to some apple pie, fricassees, boiled dumplings (Quaker food, but when in Philly, and all...), probably not hot dogs, but roasted duck, and all of it washed down with some of that non-pasteurized Sam Adams beer.** Tea was probably out of the question, much of it likely pretty moldy after having lain at the bottom of Boston Harbor for 15 years.

On the other hand, that spousal support could have its drawbacks. Back to Alexander Hamilton, he was one the 3 main authors of the document (along with James Madison and John Jay). His wife Eliza could have been there for moral support, as he argued against those there who were more worried about the powers that were to be relinquished to a national government. Just because Mrs. Hamilton is not in THIS painting doesn't mean she can't be in the next one, right there laying down the law to her spouse.

"Look Alex, how long have we spent here in Philadelphia for your little pet project, what do you call it, 'Federalism with Authoritarian characteristics'? You left our 5 children back in New York with the sitter. It's been all summer now that I've had to spend all day being nice to these... politicians! I've got nothing new to wear either. I can't even pose for the next National Archives painting. I'm wearing the same outfit as Martha Washington! Is this thing even gonna make us any money?! End it. Just sign what they got, and let's go home!"

Maybe it wouldn't have been such a good idea. In fact, one wonders who put a bug up in someone's rear-end about the "General Welfare" clause ...

* We've had a thing against Delaware for the last couple of years, for some odd reason ...

** Sam Adams wasn't there that day though. He was not a signer at the convention, and he wasn't enamored with the document, reluctantly signing the ratification for Massachusetts. Likewise, John Hancock reluctantly signed. Mr. Hancock's signature had become part of the language now, but that was from his big signature on the Declaration of Independence, which Mr. Adams signed too.

Sunday - July 30th 2023 10:45PM MST
PS: Sorry for the very late reply, Mr. Smith. I was in read-only mode for almost 2 days.

I guess I could have looked up who the ladies were. I was under the impression they were just put in with no regard to history. That's partially true though. Dolley didn't get married to James Madison until 1794, 7 years after the event portrayed in this painting. That was her 2nd marriage. She'd been married to one John Todd, who died in 1793, only 3 years into their marriage.

The reason I had this on my fingertips is that I did want to have Dolley Madison as the one with the quote, but then found out I couldn't use her a spouse. She was 19 at the time of the signing. I suppose she could have dropped by, since they did live in Philadelphia, but that doesn't seem a big social scene for a young lady.
Saturday - July 29th 2023 9:00PM MST
My mistake, sorry.. Feng Feng should have been Fang Fang.
Adam Smith
Saturday - July 29th 2023 9:24AM MST
PS: Good afternoon,

I've heard about Washington's wooden teeth, but I had no idea that Gouverneur Morris had a wooden leg. (Apparently Morris injured his leg when he leapt from a second story balcony to avoid a jealous husband who caught him in bed with his wife.)

I must admit that I'm a little perplexed as to why Hamilton would draw his sword.

Was he feeling disrespected or something?
Did Morris make a pass at Eliza?

โ€œJust because Mrs. Hamilton is ๐ง๐จ๐ญ in THIS painting doesn't mean she can't be in the next one...โ€

That's her, the hottie on the right.

โ€œWho are these Constitution Chicks?โ€

โ€œOur new interpretation of the Barry Faulkner mural of the Constitutional Convention of 1787 in the National Archives Rotunda includes the ๐ฏ๐ž๐ซ๐ฒ ๐ข๐ฆ๐ฉ๐จ๐ซ๐ญ๐š๐ง๐ญ additions of the images of Abigail Adams, Dolley Madison, Martha Washington and Eliza Hamilton.โ€

It's ๐ฏ๐ž๐ซ๐ฒ ๐ข๐ฆ๐ฉ๐จ๐ซ๐ญ๐š๐ง๐ญ that these ladies are included in the new interpretation of the Faulkner murals!

Saturday - July 29th 2023 7:06AM MST
PS: "Wouldnโ€™t middlle easterners be oriental for most of these chaps?" Technically true, that is geography-wise. Would they be in the British mind-set though?

I get into it about this Oriental thing on iSteve. Yeah, true that the Oriental Express just went to the Middle East. Anyway, I'm stickin' to it.
The Alarmist
Saturday - July 29th 2023 4:03AM MST

Wouldnโ€™t middlle easterners be oriental for most of these chaps?
Friday - July 28th 2023 7:20PM MST
PS: Or horny an hour later, as the case may be. I'm still confused regarding this Feng Feng, though, SafeNow. The google search includes one who is a Chinese spy.

The Quakers made some kind of dumplings, maybe still do, but I don't think they are much like the Chinese style ones. I'm picturing chicken and dumplings.

Would any of the Founders have ever met an Oriental person of any sort? The Orient would have still been so far away in the late 1700s.
Friday - July 28th 2023 6:01PM MST
Fang Fang, proudly inveigling herself into the document-creating process.
When the Republicans take over the mural process, this is where they could start.
Friday - July 28th 2023 5:55PM MST
About 20 years ago there was a fashion trend in which womenโ€™s garments
contained a pink band that simulated a bare midriff. The SOF who got Mr. M. momentarily excited is sporting a precursor trend. Women of that time were attuned to such fashion fakery, the bustle being the prime example.
I have squinted in vain to find a precursor Feng Feng, complete with dumpling cooking skills, and, her obvious charms. I guess the problem was that the Founder would have been hungry again an hour later, but he could not afford to have that happen, as he was a busy guy, working on the constitution.
Friday - July 28th 2023 9:11AM MST
PS: Yeah, that's pretty confusing isn't it, Alarmist? I did mean to mention that these painting reproductions didn't have any racial modifications. Maybe that's a work in progress.
The Alarmist
Friday - July 28th 2023 9:03AM MST

Whereโ€™s Alex Hamilton? I donโ€™t see any coloured folks in that picture.
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