Robotic Feline Spyware - you can't be too paranoid.

Posted On: Thursday - October 28th 2021 10:22PM MST
In Topics: 
  Humor  iEspionage

Your Peak Stupidity blogger is now dealing with his own quandary about Big Biz and the mandatory vaccine by Executive Edict. No, I'm not getting it, mostly out of principle at this point, but it's a matter of how to handle this.

Anyway, this has got me somewhat distracted from the blog posts. I decided to post this light-hearted post tonight, one I thought about 1/2 a year ago. It was inspired by my then-9 y/o boy, but was prompted by Alarmist's comment about iButtPlugs. No, this post is NOT about butt plugs, something that we all probably wish we'd never heard of.

An iCat reporting back to the NSA:

As a big animal lover and voracious reader of the Warriors series of books about all manner of cats in clans (with maps and glossaries to boot), this kid loves the cats most. At his age, he can absorb and keep all kinds of knowledge in his head for a long time. He has taught me that cats can hear better than dogs even*, but dogs can smell better than cats. (Well, he meant in the sense of senses.)

At the time he'd been reading some story about robotic cats of some sort. Maybe they were aliens too, robotic cat aliens. He got his imagination going, relating this to the skinny weirdo cat we have, or, I should say, who has us. I introduced a little paranoia aspect with the suggestion that these robotic cats were not sent from other planets but from the US Government. Those of us who still couldn't be spied on 24/7 using our iEspionage "smart" phones, would have a robotic cat coincidentally adopt us.

The crazy kitten behavior could be explained well by bad software, as released by the Indian job shoppers. It took about 2 years for the first decent software upgrades to show up, as that's when this cat stopped doing the really zany stuff. He's still not bug-free, as he can't get over the idea that he has to jump on a certain table to be let outside, he will still occasionally do the "sideways camel" when chased around the yard, and he still eats broccoli. They can fix this stuff in the next release to be downloaded.

How does he get those upgrades and download the data on us to the NSA data center in Utah? Notice those big ears. Cats don't need them that big for sound. They are 50 GHz-band receiver/transmitter antennae, Those ears will rotate around like a 1970s roof-mounted TV antenna. Sometimes you can't find this "cat", and if you call, he doesn't seem to care about being found, as he just sits on his most recent perch, high up on the dresser, always gathering ... gathering more data on us.

Oh, it's hard to believe these cute furry things are unfeeling robots when they curl up with you in the winter and start purring. Purring? Yeah, right. That's just the sound of a bad bearing on a hard drive.

Call us paranoid, but next time we have something to say about The Government, we'll just throw a piece of cheese into another room first or throw a stick way over there into the dry leaves while he isn't looking.

Is this why humans inherently don't trust cats, or is just that they WILL jump right back on the table to lick your pudding as soon as you leave the room? Nothing is too far-fetched these days, even the occasional mouse he leaves us on the door mat. Keep an eye on these iCats, I'm tellin' ya!

* On this, I'm not really sure if he means just a higher range of pitch (up to 80 kHz, he's told me), or that and also the ability to hear fainter sounds than dogs can.

Saturday - October 30th 2021 3:39PM MST
PS: Thank you for the name, Adam, and Robert. Two books, the original and a part 2(?) of "Just So Stories" are on the way.

Alarmist, I see. I'd think they would want to use the structure.

Thank you for that one, B.R. 2.0. I've had a number of things that could be put on the masthead here. That calculus stuff is probably hard on the search engines.
The Alarmist
Saturday - October 30th 2021 2:52PM MST

We have a tower near my place in Florida; they took the big horns off years ago, but somebody realized the tower would be prime real estate for cell antennae, so they left the old tower.
Saturday - October 30th 2021 9:22AM MST
PS: Mr. Moderator, Mr. Smith gave you the title of the story. If you want to get a paper copy from the library, ask for Kipling's 'Just So Stories'. These were, I believe, told to his daughter --- hence the "O my Best Beloved" --- and collected into book form after she died.
Bolshevik Revolution 2.0
Friday - October 29th 2021 10:54PM MST
PS “Stupidity is the same as evil, when you judge by results.”

Margaret Atwood
Adam Smith
Friday - October 29th 2021 10:16PM MST
PS: Good evening Mr. Moderator...

The Cat that Walked By Himself...

Opossum Video...

Greta Video...

Friday - October 29th 2021 6:04PM MST
PS: Thanks for the info, Alarmist. I do remember these from the center of town - still up I'm pretty sure, but does that mean it is still in use, or just not worth taking all the equipment off?

Now that you mention it, this cat does eat rice and vegetables like broccoli that even most American humans won't touch. If you hold his ears back, he looks quite a bit like Chairman Meow.

Agreed, Mr. Blanc.

Robert, which Kipling story is this from? I will definitely recommend it to the boy.
Friday - October 29th 2021 5:28PM MST
PS: Mr. Alarmist, I had long assumed (ass u me) that those stories were baseless. Learn something every day. Thanks.
The Alarmist
Friday - October 29th 2021 4:59PM MST

@Mr. Robert, I don’t know about a pizza, but I used an AF SATCOM dish to cook a chicken. It wasn’t very tasty though.
Friday - October 29th 2021 3:24PM MST
PS: I remember various stories about how you could cook a pizza in front of those microwave transmitters. After all, there were microwave ovens also.
Adam Smith
Friday - October 29th 2021 10:52AM MST
PS: Greetings everyone...

Of course the Man was wild too. He was dreadfully wild. He didn't even begin to be tame till he met the Woman, and she told him that she did not like living in his wild ways. She picked out a nice dry Cave, instead of a heap of wet leaves, to lie down in; and she lit a nice fire of wood at the back of the Cave; and she hung a dried wild-horse skin, tail-down, across the opening of the Cave; and she said, “Wipe your feet, dear, when you come in, and now we'll keep house.”

Thanks for the suggestion, Robert.

So true Mr. Blanc...

Mr. Alarmist, there's one of those old AT&T Long Lines microwave towers here in Lumpkinville...

(Not sure if this will work...),-83.8983154,3a,72.2y,134.21h,101.89t/data=!3m6!1e1!3m4!1srr9uf691fpOh26TdDib3Pg!2e0!7i13312!8i6656

Friday - October 29th 2021 10:35AM MST

Your son may be ready for one of Kipling's best stories:

HEAR and attend and listen; for this befell and behappened and became and was, O my Best Beloved, when the Tame animals were wild. The Dog was wild, and the Horse was wild, and the Cow was wild, and the Sheep was wild, and the Pig was wild—as wild as wild could be—and they walked in the Wet Wild Woods by their wild lones. But the wildest of all the wild animals was the Cat. He walked by himself, and all places were alike to him.
Friday - October 29th 2021 10:35AM MST
PS Not to worry. Cats answer to no one.
The Alarmist
Friday - October 29th 2021 3:13AM MST

I don’t know if you are old enough to remember the millions of these that dotted the American landscape when I was a child.

Fiber and satellite made them redundant, and 5G makes their more localized successors more useful for reaching out and touching someone or som creature by making physical antenna sizes something more suitable for individual devices.

Have you ever consider your cat might be a Chinese agent?

WHAT SAY YOU? : (PLEASE NOTE: You must type capital PS as the 1st TWO characters in your comment body - for spam avoidance - or the comment will be lost!)