Kung Flu Testing Anal-ysis

Posted On: Thursday - March 11th 2021 7:19PM MST
In Topics: 
  Humor  China  Kung Flu Stupidity

(Image is slightly old. It's very hard to get file photos of proctological procedures... quite understandably, I suppose.)

Commenter Adam Smith wrote in under this Kung Flu post over a month ago with info on something I would not have believed if I hadn't read it. No, I don't want to SEE it. Per Reuters News, Chinese cities using anal swabs to screen COVID-19 infections. From the capital of the Middle Kingdom:
BEIJING (Reuters) - Some Chinese cities are using samples taken from the anus to detect potential COVID-19 infections as China steps up screening to make sure no potential carrier of the new coronavirus is missed amid regional outbreaks and ahead of the Lunar New Year holidays.
First they want to know about the fresh fruits and veggies ("yes, we have no bananas"). Nobody wants new invasive species. Then they want to check if you're a Moslem terrorist. Again, nobody wants new invasive species. Then, they want to check whether you have a fever. That's a symptom of the Kung Flu. Now, they want to see if you have germs in your ass. Let me tell you, Mr. Customs Man, we all have germs in our asses.
A throat swab on a 52-year-old man in Weinan, a city in northern Shaanxi province, showed negative result after the person showed symptoms such as coughing and appetite loss, a city official said on Wednesday, but he tested positive using nose and anal swabs.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.

The Chinese have become very organized and efficient since they shook off the hard-core Communism. I wouldn't be surprised if they had robotic mobile proctology stations built and set up at airports and train stations by now. Failing that, there's this guy:

Final Anal... ysis being accomplished by Dr. Al'Bendova:

Hey, I think I know this dude on the left ... he comes through our bank drive-through once in a while ... drives a brown Probe.

"Dr Bendova, calling Dr. Bendova, put on your gloves first, and pick up the white courtesy telephone. You are needed in the Customs hall, stat!"

Monday - March 15th 2021 11:29AM MST

Covid Comedy Movie idea with the Covid-Anal-Probe Enforcement Unit as the villains, see comment at:

Adam Smith
Sunday - March 14th 2021 11:11PM MST
PS: Good evening Mr. Hail, Mr. Moderator...

I hope this message finds you both well and fat and happy...
With a smile upon your faces...
And love surrounding you and yours...

Job security, Bitchez!...

"Out of an abundance of caution, we the town council had to COVID-anal-probe the uncooperative Mr Smith."

Crazy satire and dystopian parody, or a realistic trajectory for the Corona-Panic?

Roadside Covid-Anal-Probes?
Please, Mr. Hail, don't give them any ideas...
But yes. You are correct. Uncooperative.

Uncooperative is a good/mild way to put it...
But, to paraphrase...

They can Covid-Anal-Probe me when they take my guns from my cold dead hands...

Which, coincidently, is right around the same time I'll take their poison needle...

Not to deny the fact that your dystopian coronapanic scenario isn't realistic...

'cause it is...

I'm glad I live in the woods...

Sunday - March 14th 2021 9:58PM MST

The sad thing is, I can imagine hardcore Pro-Panic loyalists demanding more anal probes as the Covid-Cult radicalizes, its die-hards escalating stakes while refusing to admit their religion fell apart.

It could theoretically even be set off by one incident:

"Out of an abundance out caution, we the town council had to COVID-anal-probe the uncooperative Mr Smith." Mr Smith sues. Controversy. Then, if the Pro-Panic side still has enough life-force in it, some wacko town council or somewhere pass a law stating that all who refuse the vaccine must submit to COVID-anal-probes before starting at a job, airport arrival, whatever, enforceable by police order.

Maybe some of the most hardline Pro-Panic places will kill two birds with one stone by demobilizing half their police force (to Fight Racism) and then remobilize the same to run roadside vaccination checks, with anyone who refuses to comply arrested by these Anti-Covid Special Forces and sent to the local Covid-Anal-Probe chambers.

Is this crazy satire and dystopian parody, or a realistic trajectory for the Corona-Panic? The disturbing thing is, it's both.
Sunday - March 14th 2021 3:44PM MST
PS: "Not all experts agree with the use of anal swabs to test for a respiratory illness." Haha, but all proctologists agree that this is the best method, going forward... job security, Bitchez!
Adam Smith
Sunday - March 14th 2021 9:53AM MST
PS: Good morning Mr. Moderator...

If you're gonna walk like a penguin, you might as well look like a penguin. 🐧 Indeed.

"Not all experts agree with the use of anal swabs to test for a respiratory illness."

I like Forbes better now that it reads like satire.

Saturday - March 13th 2021 1:34PM MST
PS: I screw up my comment, Peter. I meant to say that they had their LOCKDOWN phase, but I doubt they planned that the US would run with this stuff too.

Adam, that was hilarious too. "When we get done with the probing, your phone app will tell you whether you're free to go... to get fitted for a tuxedo." If you're gonna walk like a penguin, you might as well LOOK like a penguin, is what I say...
Saturday - March 13th 2021 1:31PM MST
PS: Mr. Ike, if they did plan the American form of the PanicFest, they are genius. Like a lot of things, I think they did their hardcore LOCKDOWNS over there. Problem is, they have the 'Rona still all over the place, hence their phone apps, but don't tell Ron Unz that! I'm sure they were very pleased that the American pols and media ran with this horror infotainment for a year, and of course, very amused.

I have indeed heard that particular Arlo Guthrie song. Something about "chicken flyin' all around the plane". I listened to it on the same album that had "Alice's Restaurant Masacree", but perhaps that was a greatest hits album.
Saturday - March 13th 2021 1:27PM MST
PS: Mr. Wong, I didn't see that movie. Do you have a link to bitchute or youtube? We had our chance to laugh at the Chinese in the last century. He who laughs last ... reads Peak Stupidity?

Mr. Hail, accidentally, hahaaa! Not funny, haha... (Had a Chinese professor long ago with that "not funny, many people die ... haha...") A clerical error ... just a wrong box checked on your form, now Bendova. We fix this for you. "Anal-COVID-probe-gate" - not making a stink yet in the Lyin' Press, eh?

Adam Smith
Saturday - March 13th 2021 11:49AM MST
PS: Good afternoon everyone...


Chinese officials reassured members of the public Monday that newly introduced anal swab coronavirus tests will not make them waddle like penguins...


Friday - March 12th 2021 7:54AM MST
I gotta figure that somewhere in China, the higher-ups are laughing hysterically at how they got the entire West to bite at their wormy Covid bait. Imagine getting your competitors to shoot themselves in both feet, and multiple times over. And still a year later people are talking about "we must DOUBLE mask!" It's got to be the most successful psy-op in history.

Though I gotta say, making the American delegation get anal swabs was a stroke of genius. Who says the Chinese aren't funny?

"Let me tell you, Mr. Customs Man"

Arlo Guthrie reference?

"Coming into Los Ange-leeez
Bringing in a couple of keys
But don't touch my bags if you please
Mister Customs Man"

Great song.
Friday - March 12th 2021 12:59AM MST

For a while the Chinese government was "accidentally" administering anal COVID probes to all arriving US diplomatic staff -- can't be too safe!

Eventually it came out (the news, that is), and they apologized for it. It was, you see, merely a clerical error which caused all those anal COVID probes to do their penetrative but glorious Virus-Fighting work on all those US State Dept people. It was a "Sorry (Not Sorry)" moment.

I can see why Anal-COVID-Probe-Gate got relatively little attention in the Pro-Panic US media.
Sum Ting Wong
Thursday - March 11th 2021 9:08PM MST
PS The Robert Stack voiced FBI (LOL!) character from Beavis and Butthead Do America comes to mind when he tells his underling to go full Roto-Rooter with the latex gloves.
We pwn you now Baizuo, you Aso!
Will the CCP's PLA have tranny troops in the spirit of unity?
It is OK to laugh at the Clown World and it is a morale booster.
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