Posted On: Saturday - June 13th 2020 10:00AM MST
In Topics: Curmudgeonry Orwellian Stupidity Big-Biz Stupidity Kung Flu Stupidity
I have managed to come up with a post here that again utilizes our Curmudgeonry abilities along with our usual anti-Kung Flu Panic competency, in addition to, what has become a Center of Excellence here at Peak Stupidity, our ranting regarding Big Brother / Big Data. All this came from a haircut and a shave... no, just a haircut - I'd never trust one of these people with a straight razor on my throat, especially after giving them grief right after I walked in.
It was the usual BS at the chain haircut place, same as we have noted in these pages incessantly, about giving out your made-up phone number, so the computer knows who you are. (Check out our Big-Biz Stupidity topic key, with posts such as Big Data can Kiss my Ass and Are the Millennials Retarded?, to see where where are coming from here.)
For a haircut, the excuse to have me "in the computer" is that they need to know how I like it cut. Just DECENT, or not so bad as it looks now, that' all I ask for. I guess they could type that in, but they've most of the time been reasonably cool when I just say "type in any number you want - I just want a haircut". Now, however, there is the mighty Kung Flu to worry about.
First off, as soon as I got into the place I saw a customer buying (BUYING!) a mask from the girl. You need one to get a haircut. I think he only paid a (possibly contaminated?) dollar or two, but if I had not had the one mask stuffed into my pocket for a few days, I'd have walked right out. (The problem is that I've got a card with 3 haircuts left on it, so they've got me.) OK, I can hack it for 10 minutes - I don't think they were going to push their luck in the waiting area, but I could go right away anyway ... provided I give them my phone number.
OK, no playing around this time, dammit, because now they really need the correct information for tracking, in case someone got sick, she told me, in so many words. (Do you see how these posts keep proliferating, because this may be more than the usual Big Biz stupidity, or their normal complying with the narrative. Is it a more Orwellian thing, a plan even, to use the Kung Flu Panic-Fest response to push for more tracking of everyone not just at the haircut place, to be kept in place even when this panic is officially over?)
I was sure the woman at the register would not budge on this, and that card with 3 haircuts left was burning a hole in my pocket. "OK, use this number - 555-5555. Can you type that in?" Actually, I was more clever than that, but you get the idea - still made up. "Is that one your real number?" "No." I cannot tell a lie. "I need your real number." Finally I acted like I had given up and gave her a much more realistic sounding "real" number. I mean, I might have to tell a lie so's I can get a haircut. The more I think about it, the more I think that phone number I gave is a friend of mine's land-line. I'm not Cosmo Kramer with his "Art VanDelay". I'm more like Fletch in the 1983 movie of that name. "Hey, nice to meet you, name's Harry Truman." (Come to think of it, that might work nowadays.) Well, worst case, they should be able to figure out the mix-up over the phone.
I'm sorry. It's just not their business, virus or no virus. The idea of tracking everyone without the completely Orwellian use of all the smart phone data and some serious number crunching software is silly. Most of us have been all over the place over the last 3 months, LOCKDOWN or not. Things still had to get done. There's no way the complicated web of interactions we have could be untangled to get at where I got the Kung Flu from. I suppose the Big-Biz idea of this haircut chain was that that if an employee got sick with, or maybe even actually FROM, the COVID-19, then all the customers she dealt with for 2 weeks before the diagnosis would be called up to, what, warn them? How many people have we each interacted with since then? Isn't it just asking for a lawsuit, or did Mr. Fauci give Big Biz immunity... immunity, get it? (Pun not originally intended, but I will take all credit for it.)
This is the excuse for the Orwellian idea of making use of all that smart phone position data. It'd be a hell of a project, probably with some real math guys involved, to work out a way to model all the interactions, use the (oops, a bit of garbage in here) contagion factors of any virus, and calculate who should have the virus, or at least be tested. That's some hard-core math and computer work, and it'd be very interesting to some brainy people, I'm sure. The problem is, I don't want any part of it. Lots of Americans would agree. If the rebellious attitude of us anti-panickers doesn't kill us, it'll just prove we are stronger. Whaddya', wanna sue me? I plead immunity!
Comments:
Moderator
Sunday - June 14th 2020 1:37PM MST
PS: Adam, thanks for that verse from Revelation. It doesn't sound like the New King James one, exactly, let me see - maybe NexGen Bible 2.0?
See "How about a New International Millenial Bible?" here:
https://www.peakstupidity.com/index.php?post=386
See "How about a New International Millenial Bible?" here:
https://www.peakstupidity.com/index.php?post=386
Mr. Anon
Sunday - June 14th 2020 1:11PM MST
PS Honestly, I wouldn't want my hair cut by somebody who sports tats, ear-gauges, and rasta-dreads. They would appear to be lacking in good taste and judgement.
Mr. Anon
Sunday - June 14th 2020 1:03PM MST
PS Just tell them you had to throw your phone away because you were talking on it while walking down the street and a jogger ran past you and breathed and so you had to discard it because of the 'Rona.
Adam Smith
Sunday - June 14th 2020 6:58AM MST
PS:Good morning Mr. Moderator...
And he causeth all, both small and great, rich and poor, free and bond, to receive a phone in their right hand: And that no man might receive a haircut, save he that had a phone...
And he causeth all, both small and great, rich and poor, free and bond, to receive a phone in their right hand: And that no man might receive a haircut, save he that had a phone...
Moderator
Saturday - June 13th 2020 6:29PM MST
PS: Thank you for the explanation, Mr. Blanc.
MBlanc46
Saturday - June 13th 2020 3:42PM MST
PS 1128M. That was our phone number. You’d pick up the receiver, and if the Kiers weren’t on the party line, a feminine voice would ask “Number please?” and you’d give her a number like that and she’d say “Just a moment please” and in a few seconds, if the line of the party you were calling wasn’t engaged, you’d hear their phone ring, just like now. At least we didn’t have to turn a crank to get the operator. About 1955, Illinois Bell built a new switching station a block or so north of the old building, and we went to dial phones. Someone else got XXX-1128, though, so we had to settle for XXX-1132.
Moderator
Saturday - June 13th 2020 1:37PM MST
PS: Mr. Blanc, I thought you were going to say something like "CHelsea 5- 6585. "Uhhh, the computer won't take that."
What's that 1128M one about? It sounds like a hospital room, maybe you noticed the phone after you got delivered?
What's that 1128M one about? It sounds like a hospital room, maybe you noticed the phone after you got delivered?
Moderator
Saturday - June 13th 2020 1:34PM MST
PS: Adam, yeah, I guess I could just let it be a real mess until the Covid all dies out, or I get fired for my appearance, whichever come first. I mean, with 3 haircuts left on that card, whaddya' gonna do?
Yes, she was a stylist Nazi.
As another answer, I should have just sounded more confident with the number in the 1st place. If you were the most honest of customers and truly didn't have a phone, I guess you tell her "I live about 1/4 mile away from this one pay phone. If I got the Corona, call me at Noon sharp that day. I'll be there. Now, let's synchronize our watches." Wait, what pay phones? Come to think of it, what watches? Our phones are our watches. No phone, no watch, no service.
Yes, she was a stylist Nazi.
As another answer, I should have just sounded more confident with the number in the 1st place. If you were the most honest of customers and truly didn't have a phone, I guess you tell her "I live about 1/4 mile away from this one pay phone. If I got the Corona, call me at Noon sharp that day. I'll be there. Now, let's synchronize our watches." Wait, what pay phones? Come to think of it, what watches? Our phones are our watches. No phone, no watch, no service.
MBlanc46
Saturday - June 13th 2020 1:14PM MST
PS I sometimes give the phone number that we had while I was growing up, and that my mother had (with a couple of area code changes) until she died. I’m sometimes tempted to give the number that we had when I first became aware of the telephone—1128M—but that doesn’t fit their syntax.
Adam Smith
Saturday - June 13th 2020 12:27PM MST
PS: Good afternoon Mr. Moderator...
What if you don't have a phone number?
Would they turn you away like the soup nazi?
No Haircut For You!
What if you don't have a phone number?
Would they turn you away like the soup nazi?
No Haircut For You!
A) That mighta worked - I can see someone believing that at this point. I like that "'rona" "Got a case of the 'rona and the 'roids simultaneously"
B) Better than my wife cutting it, even with no tattoos, piercings, or dreadlocks.