Posted On: Tuesday - December 20th 2016 9:02AM MST
In Topics: Cheap China-made Crap Humor Curmudgeonry
I could be just a bit paranoid about this, but here is the results of my investigation into
Plan QASFAM IV, Quality Assurance Sabotage to Fuck-up American Machinery, revision 4, as translated by our peakstupidity assets in-country from the original Mandarin: 鄰 邻 斃 毙 蠟, 四, pronounced "wei fuk xit oup".
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A) Sell cheap tools at Harbor Freight and Northern Tool that irresistible for average American hands-on prole.
B) Come up American brand name about tools so being sounded like high-quality old rust-belt mighty industry. So far we name torque wrench Pittsburgh and such.
C) Name air compressor like big factory name Central Pneaumatic and try best American spelling.
D) Make hand tools from pot metal. Win-win, use tin, make steel and aluminum saving. Shine up to looking like steel using ex-party member labor in Shangxii cave-dwelling facility, former fissionable material storage area of motherland war II with wrong-type-of-communism, northern retneck neighbor country era.
D) Implementing 30-day non-honerble return policy.
E) Sit back, eat pop-rice and
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Working example from Appendix A:
- American prole decides to use belt sander to finish legs for home-made wooden table.
- Sander fails 1/2 way through second table leg from cheap bolt holding belt guide. Belt flies off, goes through Harbor Freight cheap safety glasses causing eye irritation and increasing sales of our China-made Rite-Aid placebic medicines. 1/2 hour wasted.
- Man buys new bolt from Lowes. Chinese alternator break on way back from store. Man walks to Auto Zone and buys new alternator and China-made socket wrench and 15 mm socket, fixes auto and makes it home. 2 hour wasted.
- Man uses crescent (see sound like American built, but not) wrench to install new bolt to attach guide on belt sander. After 3 turns, crescent wrench adjustment knurled part fails in torsion at deep groove (we are sooo smart we scare self!). Man drives car to hardware store for new low quality, only wrench available. He drive car home on battery power only, as alternator belt rip due to bad finish on new alternator pulley. 1/2 hour wasted.
- Man fixes belt sander and finishes 2nd table leg. He work on 3rd table leg sanding when sander motor seize and causes flipped breaker in shop. Breaker break in 2 pieces when American prole try to switch back on. 1/2 hour wasted.
- Man take out American-made handgun and put many large hole is belt sander. Man returns to store (at high speed on battery power only) and obtain honorable 4-month return of money for sander from employee at gunpoint. 3 year, reducible-to-2 under probation wasted.
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* Cadre [Webster's edition XMIIV, revision 4(d)] - noun, "cad ray". 1) a commie dude who is involved in any kind of odious, egregious, or brilliant plan of some kind. 2) another commie who is involved who says "ain aahh helped!", but in Mandarin.
Oh, in case you've been living in a cave for the last, what, 20 to 50 years, here, for crying out loud!
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